Roots of Empathy Founder/President Mary Gordon chronicles the creation of her award-winning classroom program.
Mary shares her vision of a society of compassionate and caring children who will pass on their legacy of empathy to their own children.
Read an excerpt from the Foreword
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Roots of Empathy
CHANGING THE WORLD CHILD BY CHILD
excerpt from the
Foreword by Mary Gordon
"Although the journey that brought me to Roots of Empathy has been rich and winding, the same themes have continued to reappear throughout:
The importance of family: I witnessed intergenerational cycles of violence first hand when I worked with families where there had been child abuse, neglect, or domestic violence. The pervasiveness of bullying, child abuse, and domestic violence can be addressed when we look at a common denominator of these ills – the absence of empathy. As children develop empathy, they become more adept at finding the humanity in one another. Without empathy, we can't get to conflict resolution, altruism, or peace. Two over-arching understandings I gained from working with families; first, children develop within the culture of their family and we need to work with that rather than against it. Second, it is the relationship rather than the structure of families that counts.
The Privilege of Working with Children : My work with children who had been victims of abuse or neglect, who lived in hostels, who lived with the unpredictability of addict parents, taught me that they love, purely and without judgment and have an infinite capacity for forgiveness. All children can teach us lessons of loyalty and acceptance. Working with little children as a kindergarten teacher, I was overwhelmed by both their strength and vulnerability. I was amazed by the honest way they wore their feelings in their behaviour. All those who have the opportunity to work with young children touch the future. Unfortunately in North America , we live in a child-illiterate society where those who work with children are under-valued, and those who parent children at home are often dismissed as marking time until they get back into the workforce. My hope is that this book will strike a chord in support of the vital importance of children and all those who are involved with their development.
The Universal Need for Love and Belonging: When I worked with parents who had abused their children, it was very clear that they were not the monsters that the public thought they were. These parents were all desperately seeking acceptance, recognition and love, but their life experiences had left them devoid of empathy. All too often, when children or youth are made to feel that they don't belong, their reaction sometimes is one of “getting even”. The news headlines capture the most dramatic examples of youth “getting even” in the statistics of suicide, aggression or murder.
The devastating impact of neglect or abuse on the lives of children, coupled with the levels of societal violence, which is often the result of marginalized childhoods and poor parenting, set me on a path to find the answers that would break this cycle. This was my initial motivation, however, the lessons Roots of Empathy teaches reaches out to touch all children and strengthen their capacity to engage with the world using empathy.
The Value of Public Education: My first career as a kindergarten teacher introduced me to the power of education as an equalizer. Public education is the basis of a healthy democracy. Working in schools, whether in school-based parenting centres or grade classrooms, I saw how crucial it is that we teach every child to ask questions and help them find their voice. This sense of voice is bound up in their inherent confidence in their own worth and is key to growing citizens who will take their place in a democratic society. We need to use the evidence about how children truly learn, not through telling and yelling, but through meaningful experiences which engage both the mind and the heart. Roots of Empathy addresses the affective side of learning; the part that fails to get measured like the math and reading. The function of education is broader than creating job-ready youth. It is the education of the whole person who can be publicly useful and personally fulfilled. Education has a responsibility to development of citizens. Students who have good job skills but poor social and emotional skills may get a job, but will have trouble keeping it or getting promoted.
The Power of the Arts: Art is a vehicle that allows children the expression of a depth and complexity of emotion beyond what their words can convey. Music, art and drama are portals to emotional literacy, a skill we all need to form strong relationships throughout our lives. In my work with struggling parents I have always found that paint, permission, and friendship can heal and connect. The coloured insert of children's art has been included to share the insights of children, as glimpsed through their art. In their art, children speak to themselves as they paint what they feel instead of what they see. If we watch carefully, we may just learn from them.
In spite of being a trained teacher, I find that I am more of a trained learner, and my teachers have often been the most unsuspected people. As adults, we often think of ourselves as having a great deal to teach children. I believe that children have a great deal to teach us. Roots of Empathy is a journey where children frequently lead the way. I invite you to walk with the many children you will meet in this book and discover how they are changing our world."